From Rejection to Belonging
A courageous transformation of the Orphan Child
I had the privilege to work with an insightful and self-aware client recently. She was devastated and confused after years of being cast out and rejected by her parents and siblings. When she came to me for archetypal consulting, she had already decided to take space from her family. Her years-long efforts to create occasions for the family to get together were met with silence. For her own good, she knew she had to put her focus on her own health and happiness, but how would she ever let go of the pain of this deep rejection?
After discussing the four survival archetypes, as outlined by Caroline Myss in her book Sacred Contracts, my client decided the Orphan Child was the one that most fit her current experience.
The Orphan Child archetype is characterized by someone who carries the trauma of neglect or abuse by the very people who were supposed to love and take care of them. This often leads to the child becoming self-reliant long before they have the emotional maturity to do so, compounding their trauma. These children can grow into pessimistic adults, always seeing themselves as outside the goodness and grace that seem to come to others so easily.
The core word that defines the quest of the Orphan Child is belonging. They have spent a life time reaching for it, but it’s always been elusive. How, then, to shift this dynamic?
After discussing the shadow of the Orphan Child and the feeling she wanted to move away from, my client thought about how she would like to feel instead. She wanted to feel included, chosen, loved. After spending time with those feelings, we identified protective triggers that might cause her to fall back into feelings of rejection, and came up with a plan for working with them.
Then we created an intention. She liked the idea of the Sovereign archetype being the adult part of her who could finally take over for the Orphan Child. The Sovereign trusts her ability to create and maintain desired change. After some deliberate practice and ritual to invoke the energy of the Sovereign, she was able to take action steps to begin to define and create her own belonging, as she defined it.
Then magic started to happen. A leadership position opened at the retirement community where she and her husband lived. She started the job with a youthful energy the community had been sorely lacking for some time, and her efforts were much appreciated by the community members, most of whom were older than she was by several decades. She found herself being called “honey” and “sweetie” by the older women in her community, which delighted her. One day, the exercise instructor didn’t show up to lead the weekly class, and my client, who just happened to be a personal trainer in a previous part of her life, jumped in to lead. This only made the elderly community members love her more. They asked her to take over leading the class. They began stopping at her house with presents and flowers.
My client began to actually feel that not only did she belong, she is cherished, wanted and loved. This amazing re-parenting by her elders changed her whole outlook on life.
It’s amazing to think that all of this change started from her courageous effort to move away from the sadness and rejection of the Orphan Child, trust the Sovereign to take charge, and finally step into the cosmic light of the Guardian of Belonging.
